First off I would like to say that when you play this game, you really want to save the universe and be a hero. But unfortunately .........you die. Then you die, then you die, then you die again. You hear the start level music every single time you die, which for those who haven't been paying attention, is every 2 and one half seconds. Then you die.

 

 

This guy apparantly has gotten furthor than me though.

I never made it past the first fifteen feet when a plane touched me and I exploded, and exploded, and exploded some more. Actually, about one hundred times over and over. There are no hit points, if something touches you, you die. I thought it was powermaster Optimus Prime, but apparantly its Ultra Magnus. Read what this guy wrote:

 

 

 

 

Transformers fans have always had their fair share of stuff to 'get involved' with their worship of the robots in disguise - cartoons, movies, toys, comics, t-shirts, even air fresheners. But the one genre that has always seemed to elude us is pretty surprising: video games.

 

The only game I ever knew existed for the Transformers was that sorry smurfing Beast Wars game for the Sony Playstation. You really want to avoid this. Anyone who willfully plays it can only be described as a masochist.

 

Then I started searching around, and found out that yes, there was another game. It took us back in time to the Nintendo Entertainment System...or more specifically, the Japanese version of the NES...they made a Transformers game...but after playing it, I soon realized that they probably shouldn't have.

 

With that, I present to you...

 

 

 

 

Mystery of Convoy

To describe the game, I'm going to give you an analogy. It's Christmas morning. You see this giant, wonderfully wrapped box with your name on it. You're all excited. Unfortunately, the only thing inside it is 4 giant bags of horse crap.

 

Point? It was awesome to find this game, but once I played it, I realized the anticipation far outweighed the utter pile of crap the game actually was. I had a long history with the NES for buying the most boring, horrible games ever, but this one takes the cake. And I own Elevator Action, so that's saying something. This game isn't just bad, it's bad to the point where it's surreal.

 

You play as Ultra Magnus, Autobot commander. On the show, Ultra Magnus' only true redeeming quality was that he was big enough to make most people not realize that he was a big Beastbox of a robot. In the game, it's no different. But Ultra Magnus has to be a Beastbox. If he didn't just run away from the enemies, he'd be dead within a microsecond, because the controls smurfing suck. I don't know what genius thought it'd be a good idea to make Magnus' speed about 1/15th of the speed of the enemies, but all I know is that it took me 14 tries with this thing just to get past the first stupid enemy shuttle.

 

And just who are these enemies? They're supposed to be Decepticons. But a more on-the-mark description would be 'pixels that vaguely resemble something that could possibly construed as mechanical'. I know that this is an old 8-bit game, but half the time it appeared as though I was getting shot at by a bird's nest.

 

See that window next to you? Well, take this game's strategy and throw it out of it. There's no strategy here. You're just dodging bullets from Lazerbeak clones and doing the same thing over and over again, fighting bosses that look exactly the same aside from their slightly changed color schemes. In fact, let's take a look at those bosses...

 

 

 

Ultra Magnus vs. Menasor: Doesn't look too bad, right? The representations aren't too far off. You've got three platforms to go between to hopefully take down the Decepticon baddy. Sound cool?

 

 

Ultra Magnus vs. Piranacon: Well, it shouldn't sound cool, because you'll be doing the exact same thing at the end of every level of the game. Same thing, same stupid three platforms, same everything. This may as well be Menasor in his eveningwear, because Piranacon hasn't learned from his comrade's past mistakes and updated his strategy any.

 

 

 

 

Ultra Magnus vs. Decepticon Ship: Sensing that you'd be getting bored facing the same guy over and over again in a different color, the gamemakers decided that one of the bosses should be a Decepticon Ship. They obviously thought this was some major change, because they saw no need to update the triple platform or the fact that the ship has the exact same smurfing moves as Menasor and Piranacon.

 

 

Ultra Magnus vs. Giant, Amazing Decepticon Head: Whooo! Big time! You know Ultra Magnus is in for a challenge when he faces the Decepticon Head of Doom! This boss stage was the answer to the eternal question: 'could this game get any worse?' Obviously, it can.

 

 

Aside from the worst gameplay in history and graphics that make Frogger look like a new Star Wars movie, this old game has plenty of other flaws. Namely, the fact that it's impossible. You know it's bad when dodging the bullet from the first stupid enemy takes you about an hour to accomplish. Add that in with the fact that one shot will kill you, and it'll take you about five years to actually complete this game. And judging from what I've seen, the best ending you'll receive for completing your mission is maybe seeing a horribly rendered Autobot logo with an incorrectly spelled 'congrats' running under it.

 

 

 

 

EDIT: Site removed due to rule violation that I was unaware of.

When, I played 4 years ago I got to the second stage. I have played much harder NES games. Back then a lot of games where one-hut death affairs.

When, I played 4 years ago I got to the second stage. I have played much harder NES games. Back then a lot of games where one-hut death affairs.

The first time I played it I died at least 50 times in a row.

I never knew it existed :eek

I have this game emulated in my pc, and it's hard indeed and frustrating.

I still have that game lying around my home somewhere, and the last time I played it, I made it to to stage 9, but after I made it to the end the level repeats itself, which made me give up on it. Was that a bug or something I missed?

I never knew it existed :eek

You should download a NES emulator and the Transformers game ROM. I wish I hadn't spoiled it for you. I played it and died about 100 times. Then I read the funniest review about it. All it said was you die and die and die again. :tflaugh

I still have that game lying around my home somewhere, and the last time I played it, I made it to to stage 9, but after I made it to the end the level repeats itself, which made me give up on it. Was that a bug or something I missed?

I couldn't tell you. I've never made it past the first 13 yards. :tflaugh

I never knew it existed :eek

You should download a NES emulator and the Transformers game ROM. I wish I hadn't spoiled it for you. I played it and died about 100 times. Then I read the funniest review about it. All it said was you die and die and die again. :tflaugh

This game is show accurate, Magnus died and died again in the movie and the Jap series.

I never knew it existed :eek

You should download a NES emulator and the Transformers game ROM. I wish I hadn't spoiled it for you. I played it and died about 100 times. Then I read the funniest review about it. All it said was you die and die and die again. :tflaugh

This game is show accurate, Magnus died and died again in the movie and the Jap series.

:lol

 

 

"On the show, Ultra Magnus' only true redeeming quality was that he was big enough to make most people not realize that he was a big pussy of a robot."

 

No doubt. That should have been on his tech specs. :redface