Before somebody shoots off at the keyboard about not being TF related, I say read it.

 

1. Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.

 

 

2. A man once asked Chuck Norris if his real name is "Charles".

Chuck Norris did not respond, he simply stared at him until he exploded.

 

3. Rather than being birthed like a normal child, Chuck Norris instead decided to punch his way out of his mother's womb. Shortly thereafter he grew a beard.

 

4. Chuck Norris built a time machine and went back in time to stop the JFK assassination. As Oswald shot, Chuck met all three bullets with his beard, deflecting them. JFK's head exploded out of sheer amazement.

 

5. The original theme song to the Transformers was actually "Chuck Norris--more than meets the eye, Chuck Norris--robot in disguise," and starred Chuck Norris as a Texas Ranger who defended the earth from drug-dealing Decepticons and could turn into a pick-up. This was far too much awesome for a single show, however, so it was divided.

 

6. Chuck Norris was the fourth Wiseman. He brought baby Jesus the gift of "beard". Jesus wore it proudly to his dying day. The other Wisemen, jealous of Jesus' obvious gift favoritism, used their combined influence to have Chuck omitted from the Bible. Shortly after all three died of roundhouse kick related deaths.

 

7. Chuck Norris once shot a German plane down with his finger, by

yelling, "Bang!"

 

8. When Chuck Norris plays Oregon Trail his family does not die from cholera or dysentery, but rather roundhouse kicks to the face. He also requires no wagon, since he carries the oxen, axels, and buffalo meat on his back. He always makes it to Oregon before you.

 

9. Chuck Norris can make a woman climax by simply pointing at her and saying "booya".

 

10. Before each filming of Walker: Texas Ranger, Chuck Norris is

injected with five times the lethal dose of elephant tranquilzer.

This is, of course, to limit his strength and mobility, in an attempt to lower the fatality rate of the actors he fights.

 

11. Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.

 

12. Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.

 

 

Chuck Norris sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good looks and unparalleled martial arts ability. Shortly after the transaction was finalized, Chuck roundhouse kicked the devil in the face and took his soul back. The devil, who appreciates irony, couldn't stay mad and admitted he should have seen it coming. They now play poker every second Wednesday of the month.

 

Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked someone so hard that his foot broke the speed of light, went back in time, and killed Amelia Earhart while she was flying over the Pacific Ocean.

 

Chuck Norris is not hung like a horse... horses are hung like Chuck Norris

 

Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.

 

To prove it isn't that big of a deal to beat cancer. Chuck Norris smoked 15 cartons of cigarettes a day for 2 years and aquired 7 different kinds of cancer only to rid them from his body by flexing for 30 minutes. Beat that, Lance Armstrong.

 

The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain.

 

 

If you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you. If you can't see Chuck Norris you may be only seconds away from death.

 

Chuck Norris lost his virginity before his dad did.

 

Filming on location for Walker: Texas Ranger, Chuck Norris brought a stillborn baby lamb back to life by giving it a prolonged beard rub. Shortly after the farm animal sprang back to life and a crowd had gathered, Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked the animal, breaking its neck, to remind the crew once more that Chuck giveth, and the good Chuck, he taketh away.

 

When Chuck Norris sends in his taxes, he sends blank forms and includes only a picture of himself, crouched and ready to attack. Chuck Norris has not had to pay taxes ever.

 

Chuck Norris once ate three 72 oz. steaks in one hour. He spent the first 45 minutes making out with his waitress.

 

When Chuck Norris has relations with a man, it is not because he is gay, but because he has run out of women.

 

After much debate, President Truman decided to drop the atomic bomb on Hiroshima rather than the alternative of sending Chuck Norris. His reasoning? It was more "humane".

 

Chuck Norris frequently signs up for beginner karate classes, just so he can "accidentally" beat up little kids.

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That was just really wierd.

kida funny though...

i feel a move to INH though...

Uuuhhh..... yeah :wtf

Only 6 of those points are true. The rest are exaggerations or myths. I really doubt Chuck Norris would have signed up for beginners' Karate class just to beat up kids. He does that every Sunday in church.

:wtf

 

I read the first few points listed and quit. That just wacky and really has nothing to with Transformers as we know them

 

Hope this thread packed it's bags because it's probably going to be deported to a land where it will have a 2-4 day life expectantcy and will be forgotten forever.

 

:wave

rolf oh chuck

There's actually a Transformers reference in their. It's number 5. But I do see this thread dying into obscurity.

Martial Law was a better show.

And Vin Diesel can kick his ass anyway.

 

As well as Gil Grissom.