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transformers: morons in disguise


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Actually....Schizophrenia is the condition where you hear voices in your head and you actually think the voices are there and you talk to them as if they are standing in front of you.....also its not limited to two voices....could be a multitude of voices (8, 9, 27, 100)....what you described is often confused as schizophrenia, but is actually a form of Multiple Personality Disorders.....sorry.....i just had a test on this in health class.....i dont mean to sound stuck up or anything

And even in that case, the person just doesn't hear voices, they imagine the people or events happening as well. Remember the film, "A Beautiful Mind"?

 

Schizophrenia is a disease that affects an individual's perception of their environment; hence, you'd hear voices AND see people, and you'd have absolutely no way of knowing that they don't actually exist because they seem just as real as everyone else. And, if I remember correctly, (some at least?) schizophrenics additionally suffer from paranoia which, when coupled with the schizophrenia, makes life hard for them and those around them.

 

The term "multiple personality disorder" is also scientifically/medically/politically/what-have-you incorrect, as the new term is "disassociative identity disorder," which means that a person can't associate with a SINGLE identity/personality. There are some great films that showcase this as well, but unfortunately, the ones I'm thinking of use it as the crux of their climax.

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<Columbia Star>

Wedge: let's fish!

Bongimus: no

Wedge: let's fish!

Bongimus: NO!

Columbia star: I have a fish caught in my propeller. If you still want it, I can fart it out for you

Avalanche: ships don't fart. You're just a damn AI!

Wedge: I programmed him so he could fart! Farts are funny!

Bongimus: since when did YOU know how to program anything? You cant even work the toilet handle!

Wedge: yeah...about that...

*BOOM!!!*

Columbia star: OH GOD! MY PILOTHOUSE! IT'S BEEN...SOLED!!

Uhh. I mean.. soiled*

Verticon: HAHA! You made a typo! Wait, how does THAT work?

Bongimus: DOESN'T MATTER! WEDGE, CLEAN THAT UP NOW!

Wedge: *sticks his head out of the lake* I'm sorry?

Bongimus: CLEAN THAT UP! You can drown yourself later.

Wedge: why do I always get slag assignments?

Bongimus: because I hate you...

Wedge: I LOVE YOU TOO, HONEY!

Bongimus: CLEAN THAT UP NOW!!!!!

*WHAM!!*

Columbia star: hello, Alpena

Captain saltybeard: YARRGH! I BE RAMMIN YOU!

*WHAM!!*

Columbia star: yeah... I kinda noticed

Alpena: this is coming out of YOUR money ya know...

Captain Saltybeard: ye mean me booty?

Alpena: no. Not your ass...

Captain Saltybeard: well duh that, Homie G. uh... I mean. YAAARR! YO HO HOMIE!

Wedge: OO OO OO! I wanna talk ghetto too! Wassap dawgs?

Verticon: ME!

Columbia Star: ok Is anyone gonna clean up my pilothouse mess?

Bongimus: it's YOUR mess. YOU clean it up!

Columbia star: well wedge made it.

Wedge: no. I made YOU make it!

Columbia Star: yeah? Well I made you make me make it.

Wedge: well... I made the makers makings of...of...uhhhhh. Of...yeah maybe I'll clean that up now

Verticon: WE'RE WHALERS ON THE MOON!

Bongimus: *WHAM!* Not now, moron.

Verticon: sheesh...

Captain Saltybeard: YARRRR! RAM SPEED!

Everyone: LET'S GET OUT OF HERE!

Wedge: LETS GET OUT OF HERE! Oh...I'm late again...

Bongimus: I thought you were gonna clean that mess up.

Wedge: I did!

Bongimus: ok... what did you do with it?

Wedge: I made you a statue! It's a pony! I like ponies!

Avalanche: we're coming up on ocean city.

Bongimus: how long till we get there?

Avalanche: 10, 9, 8, 7...

 

<Ocean city>

Avalanche: HEY! WE'RE NOT DONE YET!

 

<Like I said, OCEAN CITY>

Rodimus: we're back.

Landmine: took us a while but we're here. Huh? YOU'RE INSANE! I didn't do that! Shut up!

Prowl: didn't do what? You're a damn schizophrenic

Landmine: am not! Shut up!

Prowl: fine...

Landmine: I wasn't talking to you

Optimus: what brings you back to ocean city?

Rodimus: Megatron hasn't invaded yet. So we came back.

Hot Shot: you're just in time to see the sunset.

Wheelie: I'm number one. But I hate the sun!

Blurr: the-sun's-a-romantic-symbol-and-we-shouldn't-miss-it-let's-go-see-the-sunset-we-gotta-hurry-we-should-go-now-I-wanna-see-the-sunset-can-we-see-the-sunset-let's-go-see-the-sunset!

*Commercial*

Inferno: what the hell just happened?

Optimus: I think we just experienced a commercial break

*Commercial*

Hot Rod: but we ALWAYS get those. Wreck Gar never shuts up about them.

Wreck Gar: CHARMIN ULTRA! Less means more! Cha cha cha!

*The sun sets and is replaced by a full moon*

Optimus: hmmm. Looks like a full moon

Rodimus: oh no. On a full moon, my third mode is activated. And I have no way of preventing transforming into it! AAAGGGHH!!!

*Classic transformation sound*

Slapimus: WA! HAHAHAHAHAAAAA!!!!! Come closer!

Hot Rod: sure *approaches Slapimus*

*SLAP!*

Slapimus: SLAPPA DABBA DOO!!!!!! WAHAHAHAHAAAA!!!!! *Leaves by slamming himself into the ground* SLAPPA YAPPA!

Megatron: prepare to be torn apart, Autobots!

Optimus: NEVER! IT’S MORPHIN TIME!

Megatron: Decepticons! Attack!

Snow cat: YODLELEEDOLAYHEEHOO!!!!! Check out this new body of mine!

Kicker: real attractive... are you sure you should be fighting while pregnant?

Snow Cat: you’re just jealous!

Slapimus: WAHAHAHA!!!!

*SLAP!*

Demolishor: YEOW!

Slapimus: HAVE A SLAPPY DAY!!!! WOOOOO!!!

Megatron: OPTIMUS PRIME, YOU’RE ALL MINE!

Optimus: I need... ROAD CREW MEGAZORD! PYRO RESCUE 1, COMBINE! AERO RESCUE 2, COMBINE! DIGGER RESCUE 3, COMBINE! AQUA RESCUE 4, COMBINE! ROAD CREW MEGAZORD TRANSFORMATION COMPLETE!

Ironhide: I’ll teach you Deceptipunks a lesson! *Shoots at snow Cat* sorry if I hurt your baby!

Snow Cat: I’M NOT PREGNANT!

Optimus: I thought the terrorcons were invading yesterday. What happened to them?

Scorponok: we’re still here. Taking your energon. We all know you forget about invaders at the beginning of every chapter.

Starscream: don’t mind us...

Optimus: AUTOBOTS, DIVIDE AND DESTROY!

*the autobots fend off the invaders in an hour.*

Megatron: grrr.. decepticons, retreat! *folds his wings over his body* FWOOSH! i'm still not invisible... poonuts... *shuffles away*

Tidal Wave: Tidal wave will come back for kid. not today. but soon.

Jetfire: yeah and we'll kick your ass. *fart* scuse me...

Slapimus: *pimpslaps Scorponok nonstop*

*SLAP!*

Slapimus: SLAPPITY SLAPPTY SLOO!!!!!

Prowl: calm down, man...

*the sun rises*

Slapimus: AYYAYAYAYAAAA!!!

*classic transformation sound*

Rodimus: oh boy... looks like i almost destroyed another city in my transformation. i apologize. we shall leave at once. *goes to ship with Landmine and Prowl and blasts off*

Scorponok: we're leaving too. my face is swollen again... *transforms into a jet and retreats with starscream and the terrorcons*

 

<Unicron's head>

Scorponok: we have returned, master. and we brought energon

Alpha-Q:ah. excellent. where is it? I DON'T SEE IT ANYWHERE!

Starscream: it was just here a minute ago...

Alpha-Q:ENERGON DOES NOT JUST DISAPPEAR!find it...*BURRRP!* you didn't...I SURE HOPE YOU DIDNT DO WHAT I THINK YOU JUST DID! I ATE THE ENERGON! WHY DO YOU ASK? THAT'S IT! I'M GONNA KILL YOU! i thought you said you didnt like energon. I WAS HUNGRY ENOUGH TO EAT ANYTHING! NOW WHERE'S THE MAIN COURSE! *naws on his hand* mmmmm. LEMONY! STOP EATING OUR CLAWS! WE NEED THOSE! BUT I'M SO HUNGRY!

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Okay maybe not Elvis but try the Three Stooges they were famous for their slap-stick comedy. WHOOOWHOOOWHOO NEYAAAHHHH! If you need more info PM me. Just remember Larry, Curly, and Moe and sometimes Seth. Laugh it up Dude.

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glad you all like it. the next chapter is half done. bad news for you die-hard G1 fans. due to a huge overhaul of characters, i'm gonna have to cut them from the fic. here's a sneak peek:

 

Avalanche: HEY! I’m not done counting yet. Ok. 2-

Optimus: what are you doing?

Bongimus: BROTHER!

Optimus: SEA PERSON BROTHER! THE BLUE RANGER!

Bongimus: …no. I see you found a new liking to the power rangers.

Verticon: Wedge has a bunch of old power rangers costumes. He keeps buying more. And they always rip because of his robotic proportions.

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well. now it's time for the real deal. here we go!

 

<Lake superior>

Avalanche: 6, 5, 4, 3-

Verticon: wait a minute. How come it took so long to get from 7 to 6?

Wedge: DUH! Cuz 7 8 9!

*WHAM!*

Bongimus: and STAY down!

Avalanche: HEY! I’m not done counting yet. Ok. 2-

Optimus: what are you doing?

Bongimus: BROTHER!

Optimus: SEA PERSON BROTHER! THE BLUE RANGER!

Bongimus: ...no. I see you found a new liking to the power rangers.

Verticon: Wedge has a bunch of old power rangers costumes. He keeps buying more. And they always rip because of his robotic proportions.

Wedge: *leaps to his feet* DID SOMEONE SAY POWER RANGERS? I LOVE POWER RANGERS!!!

Optimus: I think I’ll put your room next to mine. We can fight with our action figures all night.

Hot Shot: *makes a fist and says through clenched teeth* and keep us up all night with your bad karate yells and screams of pain you’ll never experience...

Jetfire: we’re running out of rooms. *FAAAAAAARRRRRRTT!!!!*

Ironhide: *gasp* THE TV!!!!

Arcee: MY WALL!!

Ironhide: wait. your wall’s gone? *goes to get his micro cameras* I’ll uh... keep it from collapsing anymore.

Kicker: can you. Uh.... Blow out Misha’s wall too?

Misha: KICKER!

Avalanche: any ships come here ever?

Inferno: no. Why? Uh. Want a napkin?

Avalanche: oh hell. I need to discharge some taconite the old fashion way now... *waddles to the side of the city and takes a leak*

Recreation boaters: AAAAAAHHH!!!!! IT’S RAINING BLACK COALS!!!!

Priest: the lord sends warning! *Takes a coal to the noggin and blacks out*

*A time portal opens up. Sixshot steps out*

Kup: looks like it’s... uh oh

Hot Rod: he must’ve found us

Sixshot: I’m here to bring you morons back to our time. By orders of Optimus Prime.

Wheelie: HEY! It’s a crime. I’m the only one who can rhyme!

*His 5 clones repeat the sentence in unison*

Optimus: I don’t even know you people

Sixshot: not you. But the Optimus back in our time does.

Hot Shot: you guys said you were lost in space and had been adrift for years...

Kup: uhh.. yeah. About that. It was just ONE year. We tried to get away from Cybertron from lack of respect. We went so fast, our ship took a huge leap into the future...

Wreck Gar: *breaks out into Subway jingle* ONE OF THESE IS NOT LIKE THE OTHER! ONE OF THESE JUST DOESN’T BELONG! CAN YOU TELL WHICH ONE IS NOT LIKE THE OTHER BY THE TIME I FINISH MY SONG!

Sixshot: ...except for that junk bot and Grimlock, you’re all coming with me... er, us

Wheelie: give Wheelie a snack. Then Wheelie go back!

Sixshot: I don’t have any energon on me...

Clone 4: I DO!

Sixshot: how can you? I just generated you 2 minutes ago!

Hot Rod: I’m not going. I hate my time. Tracks pawned my lucky candy wrapper!

Sixshot: I thought this might be difficult. So I brought my friends along.

Fortress Maximus: we can do this the easy way

Metroplex: or we can do this the hard way

Hot Rod: ...eep

Fortress Maximus: that’s what I thought. Follow us now.

Kup: fine

*The G1 TFs minus Wreck Gar and Grimlock leave*

Wreck Gar: WE ARE TIGERS! MIGHTY MIGHTY TIGERS!!!

Grimlock: ME GRIMLOCK NOT TIGER! ME GRIMLOCK KING!

Optimus: good. You’ll be sleeping in what was once team G1’s rooms. There are 2 rooms.

Avalanche: er. I’m bunking with Verticon. Wedge doesn’t sleep. And Bongimus snores.

Verticon: YEAH! LET’S PLAY VIDEO GAMES ALL NIGHT!!!

Avalanche: PARTY DOWN!!!

 

<space>

Rodimus: *thinking* was the root canal a wise choice.... When did I have teeth?

Prowl: careful. You know what happens if we fly by the moon

Landmine: I know what I’m doing... oh shut up! I do too! THAT WAS AN ACCIDENT!!!

Prowl: what was?

*the ship flies past the moon*

Prowl: NOO! I TOLD YOU NOT TO FLY THERE!

Landmine: oops...

Slapimus: OOPSEYDAISY!!! MWAHAHAHAHAAA!!!!!

*SLAP! SLAP!*

AND DON’T PLAY WITH FIRE, KIDS!!!!

 

<Decepticon base>

Megatron: Unicron will never be revived at the rate you idiots are going! Stop goofing off and bring me energon!!!

Tidal Wave: tidal wave try to get kid. But kid small. Goes through little holes and tidal wave big. So tidal Wave hand not fit in doorway.

Megatron: ...you’re supposed to be finding me energon. Not looking for kids!

Tidal Wave: Tidal Wave is lonely.

Megatron: see to it that you get me energon next time. Well. According to the star chart, Demolishor was the most responsible and brought me the most energon. He earns the upgrade this week

Demolishor: ALL RIGHT!!!

*Megatron upgrades Demolishor into his new form*

Demolishor: YEAH!!! THIS IS AWESOME!!! KING KONG!!!! *Pounds his chest* OW!

Megatron: now go and get me some energon...

Tidal Wave: *sigh* yes, master

Megatron: and yes. I know you’re there...

Starscream: heh. Maybe you’re not as dimwitted as I thought. But listen. Do you know who I am?

Megatron: ...Starscream

Starscream: yes. I am. And what happened to my pink and blue body that resembled Thundercracker?

Megatron: Unicron blew it up.

Starscream: and why am I transparent?

Megatron: because you need energon to become fully restored. Join my team. And you’ll get that energon. But you’ll need to earn the most gold stars to get the upgrade.

Starscream: uh. Right. *Departs with the other Decepticons*

 

<Unicron’s head>

Scorponok: we have found energon from other planets. it's just outside. so that it isnt eaten

Alpha-Q:excellent. we shall feed it to unicron at onceCAN I HAVE SOME?!!?NO, YOU CANT! YOU ATE THE ENTIRE PREVIOUS SUPPLY! MAKING SCORPONOK'S MISSIONS ANNOYING AND LONG!!!BUT I'M SO HUNGRY!!!GNAW ON YOUR LEFT FOOT!BUT WE DONT HAVE FEET!BECAUSE YOU ATE THEM!!

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LAUGH OUT LOUD completely. Dude you got me rolling in the floor reading your works. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. Can't stop laughing---too funny. If you got more please post them I need a real good laugh-thanks.

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let me guess. the main humor comes from Slapimus and the stuff Wedge says and does. i drew a pic of Wedge. if anyone cares to see what he looks like.

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