Dear Diary: Work sucks for us Autobots, so what else is new?

Today we had to leave our work behind and go to a company wide seminar. As if getting things done on time wasn't hard enough. They had a couple motivational speakers show up to try and tell us how we need to work faster. One of Rodimus’s cronies showed up, Blurr, he talked round and round with his nonsense, had Swerve’s head spinning so bad it EXPLODED. Not Alternators Swerve, Universe’s Swerve. Hard to keep track, both of em were red at least. Nobody cares about Universe Swerve anyway. Everyone knows that the real swerve was BLUE. Recycling to the EXTREME is just so stupid. Causes so many problems. Another great corporate idea, gone bad. Fun at parties, not that I go to any, to yell "SWERVE YOUR CRANK CASE IS SHOWING!" and they all stop to look...

They dug up some religious nut, Excelleron or what ever his name was, gold guy, talked about Primus a lot. Said how by working harder, we can stretch out across the universe or what ever, in the “Name of Primus.” When do we get paid, that’s all I want to know. I heard a lot of bots got swayed into believing in Primus, that Cybertron it’s self is this so called GOD…I was away on vacation when the big Transform supposedly took place, so I think it’s all a bunch of rusty circuts talking. Went away for Huffers Bachelors party… Pipes got all bent, Cliff Jumper slammed into a hill side, and Brawn busted heads with every biker bot in 3 bars. Bumblebee got so over energized he got arrested for indecent exposure…bot just can’t handle his energon. I was the designated driver the whole time, kept having to arm wrestle Bumper to pilot the shuttle.

Someone stole my lunch out of the storage unit. They down sized the plant, so the usual Refrigerator Transformer was replaced with a shelf with a sign that reads “Think Cold.” Fortunately, energon only tastes better cold, doesn’t need the storage. Humans were out of luck there. My guess is it was Snarl. Rumor has it he came in there and ate the shelf, so that kinda narrows things down. Tomorrow I’m gonna pay Wheeljack a visit, maybe he can whip me up a exploding Energon cube, that’ll teach the would be thief. He’ll come in and say “Oh look, it’s Gear’s lunch. He won’t mind if I---BOOM!” Yes, yes I would mind.

With Bumblebee in jail, there’s less for me to complain about around the office. You’d think that would make me happy, but NO. Instead of him being here to kiss our bosses bumper, with his “Yes SIR, I’ll get the 900 page report done by tomorrow.” It’s “Oh Gears, since your team player Bumble Bee isn’t here…” I can only use the excuse that the new foreign guy, that Sharkticon ATE my report so many times…

Maybe I aughta just settle down, order me a mail order model kit for a bride like Huffer. Maybe then I’ll feel happy. Naw, not worth the effort, besides she’d probably get shipped missing parts or something…like the OFF switch. Just keep the credits rolling in, and I’ll be happy being miserable. High gas prices = More to complain about.

Maybe when and if Bumblebee gets out of the detention center, something else will happen to him that’ll keep the good times rolling. The motivational guys said to keep positive, and keep working. Yea, right back at ya, ya malfunctioned plungerbot! Shovel that sludge elsewhere!